A Life Abroad: Through the Eyes of an Expat
Growing up in Ireland, I remember the summers getting busier in the local parish. The place was bustling and more vibrant. People were returning from their life abroad for their summer holidays. It was only for two weeks or so but everybody looked forward to seeing old friends again and hearing new stories.
I remember sitting in the local pub on the high stool, with my legs dangling from my perch. Sitting wide eyed listening to the tales from ‘abroad’. With my bottle of coke with a straw in front of me, and a packet of crisps in my hand. Trying to not be noticed and told ‘sit down there in the low seats like a good lad and let the grown ups talk’.
I wanted to hear the tales. To listen to the adventures from far away and exotic places called ‘London’, and ‘Manchester’, and in some cases even ‘The States’! I was in awe of these mighty wanderers who lived their lives away from their native land! I wondered what it would be like to live the life they did. Little did I know that in less than a quarter of a century I would know the answer to that question.
The Thrill of Adventure
In all cases of being an expat, no matter what country it is, there is the challenge of a new life. You have left your home and your friends and family behind. You have taken a step to a new pasture. The thrill of adventure has grabbed you and you are going to grab life by the horns and ride off into the sunset on it! You look forward to meeting new people, seeing new places, living the dream that you heard from so many people when you were on that bar stool!
Sometimes it is a country close by. Other times it is not. You may have the opportunity to travel home weekly or fortnightly. Or then again you may only get home once a year.
It’s easy to believe that everything is easy when being an expat. People hear about the good life and the number of holidays you get. You love telling the stories of the travels you have been able to undertake during the year. And yes, of course these things are brilliant. But naturally there are downsides to living away as well. They are obviously not as numerous as the positives or else no one would do it! But they do exist. One of the hardest aspects of being an expat is being away from family and friends.
Missing Family and Friends
Trying to stay in touch is of course easier now with social media and various free calling apps. But it is not the same as being there in person. You do miss the simple things like a Sunday dinner, or Mom’s homemade brown bread! The simple things that everyone takes for granted until you are not living there any more. Then there are all the family gatherings you miss out on. Things like family weddings, or a party thrown for someone’s birthday. You try your best to work your holidays around these but then something comes up in work and you need to postpone your holiday. You see all the pictures going online about the great day everyone had and you wish you were there. Being away makes you cherish family time more as you appreciate the time you get to spend with them a lot more.
Then there is the problem when you do come home of trying to get to see everybody. You think you have tons of time to visit everybody. Yet it comes to the last few days and there are still some people you haven’t seen. You feel annoyed and upset that you couldn’t see them. Are they going to be thinking that you couldn’t be bothered making time for them? Will they just cut you off and ignore you in future? You hope not. You hope that they will understand that its not because they are less important but rather it’s because other things have come up that just could not be avoided. Or that there simply was not enough time to take that journey which you were planning to call to them on.
A Stranger in your own Land
When you do come home it is great to meet the people you can. People quiz you on everything, where you are, what you’re doing, what it’s like there. You answer everybody in much the same way. After a time your answers may seem a little monotonous but it’s not because you’re not interested in telling people. It’s because you’ve answered them all already to numerous other people. In reality you love telling people all about your life abroad!
Sometimes you feel like a celebrity with all the questions that come at you. Especially on your first night at the local pub when you meet everyone for the first time again. People come and greet you and welcome you home. They shake your hand and clap your back as if you’re a returning hero.
You hear the stories of how everything is going at home. How the local football team is doing, and you don’t recognize any of the names. There are people around you who you think are strangers in this place and you have no idea who they are. You ask someone and it turns out they are the same people who were small kids when you left. You have gone from being a stranger in a strange land, to being a stranger in your own land.
Learning from Scratch
You will often tell people how great everything is. How you don’t mind living away. How settling in a foreign country has been easy for you. What you don’t tell them is the struggles you went through at the start. Not only the obvious things like being away from family and friends and your routine. But also the small things like wondering what brand of milk is the good one, or trying to find good foods you like.
Things taste different in all countries. Most likely you won’t get your favorite foods or drinks where you are. If they are available they will be hugely expensive due to being imported. You need to adapt your taste buds to suit your new country.
You need to learn the rules of the roads. For a lot of people this may mean driving on the opposite side to what they are used to. Not only that but the road customs are different everywhere. Someone flashing their lights at you in your home country may mean ‘go ahead’; in your new country it may mean ‘stay out of my way I’m coming through!’.
You need to find new friends and new routines. The hobbies you had might not be available so you may have had to learn new ones. True these are exciting, but sometimes you wish you could go back and play a 5-a-side match with your mates like ‘the old days’.
Those Friday nights where a few of you played x-box all night having a few beers and a pizza are a distant but fond memory.
Where is Home?
Living away for a few years brings another change. One you would never have dreamed of. Where do you call home? Home suddenly becomes the country you are now in, though not intentionally. You may slip up now and again and mention ‘home’ as being the country you are currently resident in. But in reality, it is not home. It will never be home. Home is always the place you go back to. The place that when you go there you feel most comfortable and secure.
Even though you may tell people that you could never see yourself moving back there, when you hear about all your friends buying or building a house there you wish you were too. In your own country you may or may not have your own property. For a lot of people it may not even be possible to own a property in the country they are in. Sure you can furnish it and make it more comfortable, but it’s never really yours.
You look forward to the day when you have a proper base to call your own. Where you can really feel like calling it ‘home’.
Changes
Of course when you come back you don’t expect to just fit in again. People have changed, they have moved on without you around. They have also got new friends and new hobbies. Sometimes they will not be able to make time for you, whether its work or family related, or just another part of their new routine. Life doesn’t go on hold while you’re away, like you they have adapted also.
They may have got married and now have kids, so their time with them is naturally top priority now. It also means that your time with them means bouncing kids on your knee while having a cup of tea. Not like before when it was working on a car or motorbike with a beer in your hand! Before you had similarities with your love for sports car, now what sits in the drive is a family size SUV with a sliding door in the back.
Times change, situations change, people change. Life goes on, with or without you.
Leaving Home Again
The hardest part about going back to where you live after your holiday is leaving home again. While it is exciting and brings a great joy to come back, leaving again brings a sadness which hits around the day before you return. When you start making the rounds to relatives or friends to say your goodbyes, and when you pull out of the driveway for the last time until your next trip, it gives you a heavy heart and you start to wonder if you should really leave this time. But you know you have to. ‘The grass is always greener’ they say, and you know from experience this is true, so you proceed on your journey.
Would the Decision be Different?
Now don’t get me wrong! I would not change the fact that I had the chance to live in another country for anything! As mentioned on a previous post it has given opportunities that never would have existed otherwise. I have made many good friends and had some amazing times! But at the same time there are times you wish to be at home.
Sometimes it makes you feel a little alone. Especially if you are out in your local and you see everybody having a laugh and a joke about something that you were not part of and you wish you had been there.
But then you see a wide eyed little boy sitting at the bar with his Dad, drinking his coke and eating his crisps. Listening to you while trying not to be seen. Hanging onto every word you say.
Now you are the adventurer, you are the story teller from a far away land. And don’t you feel great to be able to call yourself that?!